Hermione Granger doesn't do pranks
by Elsbeth Ravensblood
Summary: A prank that went to far has Hermione going against the Weasley twins. One shot


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter, Hogwarts, Gringotts, the Leaky Cauldron or anything else in JKR's wonderful world. Except for the little pebble just to left of the front doors of Hogwarts. I put that there. I might own that. Maybe. But probably not.

 **Hermione Granger doesn't do pranks**

"Boys."

The two red headed young men stopped their advance to the doors out of the great hall as she addressed them and turned to face her. "Look Gred," said one of the identical twin boys to the other. "We're being hailed by the inestimable Hermione Granger."

"Why I do believe you are correct Forge." The other twin other twin replied. "Shall we greet her and inquire as to how we may be of service to her?"

"It would only be the polite thing to do." The two of them both bowed. "Good day Miss Granger. How may we two lowly human beings be of service to you?" they asked in perfect synchronization.

She smirked and shook her head at their antics. "Well, as you're in such a good mood and seem so helpful, an apology would be nice." She told them as she used her knife to hold down a sausage as she pushed the tines of her fork into the end of it.

It grew quiet in the hall as people realized what she had just said. Whispers started as attention was focused on what was happening. Was Hermione Granger actually calling out the Weasley twins, the Terrible Twosome of Hogwarts, over their latest prank?

Their smiles stayed in place but a certain wariness was noticeable as one of them asked, "And what would you have us apologize for, Miss Granger?"

"Now Fred," she stated "you know perfectly well what for."

And they did know what for. The week before they had pulled one of their most embarrassing pranks, but by fate, happenstance and just plain sheer bad luck, they'd gone way over the line this time.

Their probable targets had been five upper year Slytherin girls who'd made it a habit to congregate in the hall after their charms class and insult, berate and otherwise mock the lower year girls as they passed by. But as fate and bad luck would have it, the day of the prank had seen a Ravenclaw girl showing off her betrothal ring to the group as well as anyone else who wanted to see it. As such an event was a magnet for the female half of the human race fourteen girls, of all four houses, had been caught in the area of effect as they all suddenly found every single stitch of their clothing totally transparent. Hermione had been one of them.

Normally she would have just hexed the two of them and then asked them how they had managed the effect. Most of the other girls would have been indignant, angry, furious and ready to beat them within an inch of their lives but they would have understood the prank for what it was.

However, among the indignant yells and screams of surprised and angry upper year girls who had suddenly found themselves standing for all intents and purposes naked in the hall had been the hysterical and much higher pitched shrieks of three little firsties, two of them muggleborn. New to magic and finding themselves exposed and surrounded by surprised and wide eyed boys they had totally freaked out, two of them requiring a visit to the hospital wing and some calming draughts from Madame Pomfrey.

Harry, to her immense pleasure, had shown a noble gallantry and jumped forward almost immediately, pulling off his robes and throwing them around two of the firsties to cover them before pulling Hermione to him and helping to hide her from view. Neville had thrown his robes around Hannah Abbott as the third sobbing girl had been pulled into the protective cover of the other victims who used their own bodies to conceal her. Other boys and girls had followed their examples and moved in with robes and their own bodies to help hide all those affected.

She knew for certain it had been the twins who had pulled off the prank because she had seen their split second look of triumph before the traumatized screams of the little ones had let them know everything had gone spare.

Normally they wouldn't have hesitated to claim responsibility, even bragged about it, but this time they had clammed up tight, denying any knowledge of it whatsoever. This was probably due to the fact so many young women were out for their heads for the sake of the three innocents as well as McGonagall's promise of detentions of titanic proportions and a visit from their mother for a personal howler up close and personal. The number of hexes they'd had to endure simply walking through the castle were also reaching truly astronomical proportions.

The fact they had not apologized, even in private, had hardened her determination for justice.

"Miss Granger," stated George, and why couldn't people tell them apart? It was so easy! "If you're referring to that totally unfortunate incident last week…"

"That we had absolutely nothing to do with." Interjected Fred.

"…that was quite obviously enacted by some gifted amateur…"

Fred piped up again. "Which we are not. Amateurs I mean."

"…who had the huge misfortune of incredibly bad luck of a terribly mistimed execution of a perfectly marvelous prank…"

"Almost as good as something we might attempt."

"…then I must state once again that _we_ were not the perpetrators from whom you must seek an apology."

She laid her left arm on the table before her, her forearm across in front of her body with her right elbow resting at her fingertips as she jabbed her sausage at them and smiled. "Oh, it was you alright. Nobody else in this castle would come up with such a brilliant idea or have any idea whatsoever of how to make fabric go so totally transparent as to be invisible, much less actually be able to do it. Only the very brightest, most intelligent minds would be able to accomplish such a feat."

It was totally quiet in the hall and the sense of anticipation and tension were ratcheting upwards with every word she spoke. Everybody now knew she was indeed calling out the twins for the prank, but what they didn't know was what the two boys would do. She was their friend but would that protect her from any retaliation they might have in mind?

"You went too far this time boys." She told them in no uncertain terms. "This time an apology is due to the ones you hurt and I'm absolutely certain there's _someone_ in this castle who is more than willing to turn the tables on you if you don't."

Quiet, excited murmurs were heard throughout the hall. She'd actually done it! She'd challenged the twins at their own game!

Both of the boys gave her a cunning, speculative look. "Would that be a challenge, Miss Granger?" Fred asked quietly, a cocked, wily smile on his face.

On her right and out of the corner of her eye she could see Ron slowly sliding away from her, out of the line of any possible incoming fire from the twins. She was pleased to note Harry stayed in place however.

"Because if it was, and even if you are lauded as the smartest witch of her age, everyone knows that Hermione Granger doesn't do pranks." George said.

Totally unconcerned and with a smile she raised the sausage to her mouth.

"And nobody has _ever_ managed to successfully prank us." Fred stated smugly.

She bit the end off of the sausage…

…the boys' clothes disintegrated.

They weren't vanished; they weren't banished; they didn't just disappear; they simply fell apart.

Chewing her food and smiling cheerfully she kept her gaze on their faces as they stood frozen in place, their eyes wide in shocked horror as large patches of material fell away. Those patches in turn fell apart into even smaller patches which fell into even smaller bits. Coins, buttons and fasteners and potion phials clinked and tinkled as they fell to the floor when the pockets they resided in or were attached to turned to fragile to hold them. Nothing above the waist made it to the floor as the cloth simply disappeared into ever smaller and smaller particles. What fell from below the waist piled up at their feet but then simply crumbled into nothingness. Unlike the previous prank these clothes would not reappear after five minutes.

There was a huge gasp of surprise from the occupants of the hall at what had just happened. Everyone held their breath for a few short seconds as Hermione gave the two of them a quick up and down glance and her smile turned into a smirk as she once again jabbed her sausage at them. "Well. It looks to me like somebody _really_ wanted that apology."

The room erupted in laughter and cheering at what she appeared to have done. Past the twins she could even see a few girls at the Slytherin table doing fist pumps into the air as they cheered her success.

She raised her fork once again and the two boys visibly flinched as she took another bite, still with her smirk in place. She chewed and smiled as the two of them turned as if one mind controlled both of their bodies and faced the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables. The room quieted as they spoke. "To those young ladies who were inadvertently caught up in our prank of last week, we most humbly and with heartfelt humility express our deepest regret for what happened." they intoned in perfect synchronization, almost as if they'd rehearsed their speech. "The targets of our mischief of that day most richly deserved what happened to them but we are truly and deeply sorry you were caught up in it. We humbly beg your forgiveness but will totally understand if you feel no desire to do so." They both bowed from the waist and turned back to Hermione.

George solemnly spoke up. "Miss Granger, you have our most deeply respectful congratulations on a most outrageously successful prank."

"The timing and execution, not to mention the originality, of it were perfection itself." Fred added.

She smiled at them. People who saw it would all later totally agree it was the most insincere smile they had ever seen. "What are you telling me for? _I_ didn't do that." She jabbed her fork at them. "I don't do pranks, remember?"

She would long remember their incredulous looks of disbelief as their laughing girlfriends Angelina and Alicia collected them and Katie Bell gathered their fallen belongings. Her last view of them was as they exited the Great Hall doors, lily white bums in stark contrast to their summer tanned back and legs, and incongruously wearing only their shoes as the hall sounded with laughter and cheering once again.

Later, she and Harry sat in the library working on DADA essays. It had taken about as long to get out of breakfast that morning as she'd expected. Professors McGonagall and Snape had both detained her over the morning's events, demanding to know how she'd accomplished the prank, to which she'd categorically denied doing it. They'd checked her wand, though her hands hand been in sight the entire time and her wand had been conspicuously absent. Then they'd checked Harry's wand, and then Ron's. They'd even checked Neville's merely because he'd been sitting on the other side of Harry!

She'd understood the examination: the teachers couldn't let her get away with such a stunt any more than they could have the twins if they'd been able to prove she'd done it. Which they couldn't. But they'd not put much effort into the investigation and she'd even seen a twinkle in Minerva's eye that rivaled the Headmaster's. The biggest surprise had been just as the two departed and Professor Snape had caught her eye for the barest moment and she'd heard him speak so low that only she could hear him: "Fifty points to Gryffindor."

The arrival of two others at their table drew her attention for a moment as they sat down: Daphne Greengrass and her best friend Tracy Davis. She continued her essay as they got their study materials out before she quietly said "Nice shot; unable to properly aim under the table, between Davis and your sister without hitting them and you managed to nail them both."

Daphne's younger sister had been one of the victims. She smiled. "Yes, I'm rather proud of that myself." She replied just as quietly.

Harry's head snapped up and he stared wide eyed between the two of them.

The blonde girl went on. "But I must say that _scourgify_ charm you modified worked wonderfully. I can't wait to use it on Malfoy. I only wish I could have seen their faces."

"Oh, they were so delightfully horrified. It was hard to tell if it was because of what happened or that they had been made to pay for one of their pranks in such a humiliating way, however."

Harry leaned towards her. "Wait a minute!" he hissed at her. "Do you mean you really _didn't_ prank them, you just had her hex them?"

All three girls grinned at him as she looked at him. "Why Harry. Didn't you hear the twins? I'm Hermione Granger. I don't do pranks!"


End file.
